Maverys Heart Appointment

On Tuesday at 11:00 Mavery will visit the heart doctor for the first time. I expect that we will get a good report, but I do appreciate your prayers. I am concerned for her going through the tests as I know it will be hard since I am not able to explain things to her that they will be doing. I have been warned that they will expect her to lay still or she might need to be sedated which worries me. Thanks for thinking of us and I will update after it is over. Working on the birthday party post and Thanksgiving pictures on our family blog!

**Adorable shirt made by my sweet friend Robin at Red Thread Stitches. Isn't that fun? I just love it. Click here to see her stuff! And Renee, do you recognize the bow in her hair? Yes, it is Lilys that you left here, had to throw it in after she lost the first bow that day! I promise to get it back to you! ;0)

Thankful for Mavery

Sage was standing in the spot Mavery wanted to stand in. She knows how to throw a good temper tantrum that is for sure. Little does she know, I have made it through 4 other kids tantrums and I can ignore them for long periods of time with out batting an eye. She HATES it if I ignore her! ;0)

She enjoyed ice cream at Sage's birthday dinner! Thank goodness for bleach!

I walked into my bathroom one day to find her and Sage "playing" makeup. Look closely.
See her "pretty" makeup. Mavery and Sage are having LOTS of fun together now!

We started pulling out the Christmas Decorations and we showed her Santa and said HoHoHo and she ran up to him laughing saying HoHo over and over so I have a feeling she "knew" of Santa. Think we will get her on his lap?

Life is good here. Mavery is changing every day and my heart just smiles with how quickly she has blossomed since coming home. Sometimes I feel like she has just been here forever and when I tell someone she has just been home a month, I pause to do the math to make sure that is correct!

We had a Thanksgiving dinner at our church recently and Mavery LOVED her first taste of turkey with mashed potatoes and gravy! We know she will enjoy turkey day.

We went for haircuts last night. ALL of us, fun times. As soon as we got in and a lady was sitting in the chair getting a cut Mavery grabbed her own hair and started screaming & crying NO!!! It was funny and sad all at the same time. I KNOW she wants hair so badly and I hate that they shaved her head because it obviously was not a good time for her. It is growing & it is thick so I know it is going to be beautiful once it is grown out. By the end of the evening when we had ALL had our hair cut, she was calmer, so hopefully when we do have to trim hers, she will be more comfortable.

The sweetest thing EVER is that now she goes to bed so easy even for me. When I lay her down she lays on her back and sticks her hands behind her bed ( I have to get a picture) and puckers up her lips for a kiss. Then as I walk out she blows kisses and screams over and over, LUV U!

Tonight we had a Thanksgiving Eve dinner (more on my family blog) and we all went around the table to pray and say thanks and when it came to her she yells out THANK YOU and then Mark walks her through the prayer and I thought I was going to lose it. To hear her little voice, repeating her father, as they prayed to our Father, oh my heart...

I am thankful this year that Mavery is home, in our arms, at our table, forever. Last Thanksgiving was hard. VERY hard. I had seen her, I felt she was mine, but she was not. Mark and I were not in a happy place trying to figure things out. I was consumed with thoughts of her and so many unanswered questions. But now here she is, our family feels so complete right now and I am so excited to see the holidays through her eyes!

Facebook

Because I hear it is THE thing to do, I joined Facebook. I have been told that it is much easier than blogger. Whatever. You can't sit and write a book on there or anything like that. But since I felt I lost all coolness as of late, I needed something to up my status. Totally kidding. I could care less if I am cool, I think that is pretty obvious! ;0) I actually just joined because I had to find out what the fuss is about. And I am nosey. And I am stuck inside the house to much with all these kids. So hey, if you are on Facebook, come be my friend. I saw my brother in law has over 700 friends and I have about 30. That seems kind of depressing. ;0) Just in case you didn't know, Shannon Laxton. And just so you know, it is NOT easier than blogger and I can't hardly figure out what you are supposed to do there, but I am sure someone will teach me!

A Month of Mavery

My Mavery, My Miracle Mavery


One Month ago, a dream that had grown in our hearts for a year, was in our arms. We have now celebrated a full month of YOU, Mavery. Time drags when you are waiting, but flies when you are having fun! It seems forever ago we were there, in China. It seems you have been with ME forever. And in alot of ways you have. My arms have only held you for one month, but my heart has held you much longer.

As you run into my arms today, you are not the same little girl who ran from me in China one month ago. There we saw heartbreak, here we see joy. There we saw fear, here we see confidence. There we saw no affection returned, here we FEEL hugs and kisses! I like being HERE!

One month ago we walked into a room with aching arms and anxious hearts, ready to hold you and to see the promise God had given to us almost a year earlier. You were so scared of us, and I think probably really MAD at us to be honest. My heart still hurts as I think of how hard that was on you. But my heart rejoices as I see you today, so full of joy and life and happy to be mine.

You are amazing, I hope you always realize that. I know that they probably tried to prepare you before you met me, but how could they have made you understand what was about to happen? Your whole little world was about to change, everything you knew and were comfortable with was being taken away. Yet here you are, just one month later, and you smile!

One month ago you were not so sure of your Baba. Now you walk downstairs to his office just to tell Daddy HI! You are as in love with him as much as he is in love with you. I knew it would not take long, once you realized how much fun he is! If he walks out the door with out you, you cry as if your heart is broken. When he comes upstairs from his office, you run at him screaming and laughing ready for a big hug!

You have found that the dog is not quite so bad after all. Good thing we did not get rid of her, or my mommy guilt would have been terrible for the other kids! Now you think it is hilarious to run to her and give her a hug or let her give you kisses! You yell "HERSEY" in your sweet little voice and love letting her in and out the backdoor. You had never before probably seen a dog before a month ago, you were terrified of her the first few days here, and look at you now!

Tonight as I put Sage in bed you came running in her room and yelled NIGHT NIGHT SAGEY! while reaching up to give her a hug and a kiss. Oh how that melted my heart! Everyone asks how the 2 of you are doing. And I reply that you have your moments, which you do. But overall, you have both done amazing. You adore Sage, and when she is not here you ask for her. My prayer has been that God would weave your little hearts together, and that is being done I know. I know that it is because of Sage, you are doing so many new things so quickly such as...

Take a bath. You HATED baths in China. Come home and watch someone your size jump in, you follow right behind! You now will put your face into the water and I know it won't be long and you will swimming like Sage!

Sit in a carseat happily. You just sit back there and smile away! Sage is next to you and as long as she is, you are fine.

Running! You have gone from being "clumsy" on your feet, to running circles as Sage chases you!

CLIMBING! While I hoped this would not happen, you can now get up on the barstools after Sage. Thankfully so far you seem to understand the counter is not for running on, unlike your spicy sister.

If Sage eats it, you will try it. Might not like it, but will try it. You do still want to snack ALL the time.

You are speaking so many new words and understanding even more than you speak. Sometimes I say something and you do it and I just stop and can't believe you knew what I said! You also parrot anything anyone says. I laughed so hard the day Sage asked for a sprite and all of a sudden your little voice yells out "I want a sprite!"

You say all of the kids names and are starting to bond well with each of them. Makenna has been so great with you recently. You LOVE to be outside and so she has been bundling you up and playing with you forever out there.

You sleep so well now most of the time. You still whine a little, but when we say night night, you head to your bed with that little pout and for the most part, go right to sleep. You do get up to early though, we must have forgot to tell you we sleep in around here! And sometimes you wake in the night and cry out, and I wonder what it is you are thinking of at those times.

You are my little shadow for the most part. Sometimes daddy comes upstairs and tells you to go play when he sees you hanging on me. As soon as he goes downstairs you come right back to me. You will walk away for a few minutes, but you always keep me in your sight wherever we are. This is good I know.

Your hair is slowly coming in, you want pigtails so badly and I want that for you to! It won't be long and you will be sick of me putting it up and brushing it all the time! In fact, Sage told me she wants YOUR haircut! ;0) You are no longer covered in bug bites. Now your skin is so soft and clear. Oh those cheeks and your lips. They just BEG to be kissed.

My favorite thing is the fact that now when you get hurt, you let me snuggle you, you no longer push me away.

You are so much more than I ever dreamed you were going to be. I can't believe that out of all the mommies in the world God chose ME for YOU! This past month our family has been complete because of you. You are a gift and I can't wait to see what God has in store for us!

I love you,

Mommy

Now & Then - One Month Later

Mavery Singing!

**Scroll to the bottom of the blog and pause my music so you can hear the sweetest voice!

The kids have this kids choir CD in the car that the kids insist we listen to over and over and over. And over! ;0) We were riding along the other day and it was not on, but all of a sudden Mavery starts singing one of the songs! We all just started laughing and clapping because it was SO clear! If you can't understand she is singing "I know, I know what I stand for, I know, I know what I believe". Hope it makes you smile!

One Year Ago...

Do you ever forget the moment you lay eyes on your child for the first time? Even if it is simply on a computer screen? I hope not.

I remember when I found out I was pregnant. 4 times I found out and I remember so clearly, snapshots that will forever remain on my heart. I remember the ultrasounds where I held my breath till I saw tiny hearts beating. I remember finding out if we would have a boy or a girl and being in awe that my body was growing that little being inside of ME. I remember giving birth and seeing those sweet faces for the first time, a true miracle that we had created. I never thought anything could match that amazing feeling.

And then God led us down a different road. The road of adoption. Some wonder if they could love a child that did not grow in their body. That was not something I ever worried about. Though I did think it would be different. Not less love, just different.

Till I saw the picture of Sage. And it was so much the same. I, of course, was in love with just the idea of her. but then I saw her picture. I had waited for over a year to see that picture and they handed it to me and it was exactly the same as when I saw that ultrasound of Makenna, Sawyer and Malaine. My child. Not created inside of me or by me, but mine. That referral moment was truly magical. Unlike anything I had experienced and I wanted to relive that again.

Yet we knew if we were called back to China, it would be for special needs. So that meant I would not be "surprised" with a picture. I would not walk into my adoption agency with everyone cheering and wait in anticipation as I found out if we were getting a chinese boy or girl. And I had no idea how in the world I was going to find MY child out of the hundreds of waiting children that were on various lists. And how could it be magical if it was not a surprise or if I had to figure it out if I was really seeing my own child.

And then it happened. I saw my 5th child. And it was just as magical, just as special, just as amazing as all the times before.

You can read the entire story by clicking on the link above labeled Maverys story. But of course, I can't just leave it at that, letting you read old thoughts, as I celebrate this magical moment.

365 days ago, it was just a normal day. Yet I do remember I was feeling this "push" over that last month to move forward with adoption, again. I had felt it for awhile. But not so strong as it was that month. Which was just crazy because we had just started homeschooling, we had just been on a big family vacation, we were crazy busy and Mark was clearly saying NOT YET, maybe not ever.

It was MOPS that day, and I had given a prayer request to my DGL, are we supposed to have more children? The kids found a ladybug in our car, they said maybe we had a baby out there. I came home to an invitation to view a new list of children. I rushed Sage down for her nap.

I prayed, and begged to look at this list of children not with my eyes, but with Jesus eyes.

I pulled up the list.

I started looking through each of them slowly, not wanting to rush, thinking a few were sweet and wrote down their names.

Then I saw her.

A beautiful little angel who took my breath away, brought tears to my eyes and literally had me shaking.

Just by looking in her eyes.

I had not yet read her information, I had no idea at first what was wrong. I just looked into those sad eyes, thought about kissing on those sweet lips and wondered.

Could she be mine?

Is this who I have searched for?

Is this what it feels like to "find" your child?

I read through the information they had given for her. Heart baby. 2 years old. Her birthday, November 1st did not even register with me at that point, I just knew she was close in age to Sage.

I quickly emailed my friend Kathy, who knew I was going to look at the list and asked her what her daughters heart condition was. She emailed back and asked to see her picture. I still have the email I sent to her that I labeled, is this my daughter?

Of course the day did not end with Mark looking at her picture and dancing through the house saying, WE FOUND OUR DAUGHTER! Quite the opposite. Little did I know that what was pure joy at that moment for me, was going to turn into a very hard month for us. A month I don't care to relive, and yet it all came to be the way it was supposed to.

Mavery is mine. She is here in my arms.

One year ago I had no idea that our entire world was about to change.

Today, I am looking in those eyes right in front of me and they are no longer sad.

I am kissing those lips and they are as kissable as I imagined last year.

Not only do I see smiles, I hear giggles and listen to her yelling MOMMY! (which is the sweetest sound EVER!)

One year ago I saw her, today I hold her.

Magical Moments, Miracle Mavery.

Feeling Blessed.

Three Years...

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Mavery is THREE!

Mavery Raye JinSong, officially three years old. Many times over the last almost year I prayed and prayed to the Father to let her be home before her birthday. And He answered that prayer, for that I am so thankful.

How do you put it into words, the things on your heart for your new daughter who is 3? Your daughter who you just met 3 weeks ago. Your daughter who has had 2 birthdays without you, almost 3 years with out you? I am not sure there are words.

As I hold her in my arms, and look into those dark brown eyes, I am in awe. When I hold her now, she melts into me, in a way she did not in China. It is that feeling of , I trust you, I like you, and I am happy.

As I cradle her like a newborn baby, all 30 pounds of her!, I just wonder, what was she like 1096 days ago when she entered this world? Were her cheeks as kissable as they are now? Did her face scrunch up the way it does when she is mad? Did her gorgeous lips pucker up and did her mama kiss them the way I love to do? What were those first few hours like? Her red note said she was born at 10am. Did she look around at the world in wonder, was she passed around to a room full of people who kissed her little head. Were there tears poured over her as a mother held onto her knowing she would not keep her? Or did she think that maybe things would be different?

I have struggled that I missed 9 months of Sage's little life. But now I have to imagine THREE years! I missed Mavery learning to sit up, and taking her first steps. I missed her first words and potty training. (though I am good with the potty training, really I am! ) I missed her being a baby. I have no pictures of her besides the finding ad at 6 weeks old, until she is almost 2. Can you imagine what a beautiful baby she was? Those lips, those cheeks, I know she was breathtaking.

The Father has reminded me He was there. He saw her first breath. He held her while her mama walked away. He carried her into a hospital and never left her side through an open heart surgery. He guided her first steps and I bet he laughed at her little temper as she learned how to get her way. He held her hand the day they posed her for pictures, telling her maybe a mommy would come for her when the pictures were done. He wrapped her in His embrace as 2 people tried to figure out that she was indeed their daughter. He loved her. He loved her for me and I try to rest in the peace of knowing that He has the pictures of those days I missed.

Instead of looking back, I am trying to look forward. To all the memories I get now. All the moments that I will forever treasure. I was not there for so many things. But I was there to see her say goodbye to the only home she had known. I watched a little girl who was scared of strangers, learn to trust us. I saw a face that had never smiled in a photo, glow with giggles. I saw her experience her first plane ride, her first stay in a hotel. I saw her dip her toes in a pool for the first time and watched her figure out that ketchup is amazing! I saw her watch in wonder as fish swam in ponds at a hotel, and birds would sing in cages. I saw her learn that she could crawl up in my lap when she was nervous & feel safe, and that her daddy could toss her higher than she had ever gone before! I have seen a little girl who had her whole little world turned upside down, survive it and still smile. I have watched her become a daughter, a little sister AND a big sister! A granddaughter, a great granddaughter, a niece and a cousin. I have watched in awe as she has gone from a picture in my heart, to an answered prayer in my arms.

So as my Mavery turns 3, I hold onto what I now have. Gods gift to our family, in our arms exactly when He said she would be.