Mavery is THREE!

Mavery Raye JinSong, officially three years old. Many times over the last almost year I prayed and prayed to the Father to let her be home before her birthday. And He answered that prayer, for that I am so thankful.

How do you put it into words, the things on your heart for your new daughter who is 3? Your daughter who you just met 3 weeks ago. Your daughter who has had 2 birthdays without you, almost 3 years with out you? I am not sure there are words.

As I hold her in my arms, and look into those dark brown eyes, I am in awe. When I hold her now, she melts into me, in a way she did not in China. It is that feeling of , I trust you, I like you, and I am happy.

As I cradle her like a newborn baby, all 30 pounds of her!, I just wonder, what was she like 1096 days ago when she entered this world? Were her cheeks as kissable as they are now? Did her face scrunch up the way it does when she is mad? Did her gorgeous lips pucker up and did her mama kiss them the way I love to do? What were those first few hours like? Her red note said she was born at 10am. Did she look around at the world in wonder, was she passed around to a room full of people who kissed her little head. Were there tears poured over her as a mother held onto her knowing she would not keep her? Or did she think that maybe things would be different?

I have struggled that I missed 9 months of Sage's little life. But now I have to imagine THREE years! I missed Mavery learning to sit up, and taking her first steps. I missed her first words and potty training. (though I am good with the potty training, really I am! ) I missed her being a baby. I have no pictures of her besides the finding ad at 6 weeks old, until she is almost 2. Can you imagine what a beautiful baby she was? Those lips, those cheeks, I know she was breathtaking.

The Father has reminded me He was there. He saw her first breath. He held her while her mama walked away. He carried her into a hospital and never left her side through an open heart surgery. He guided her first steps and I bet he laughed at her little temper as she learned how to get her way. He held her hand the day they posed her for pictures, telling her maybe a mommy would come for her when the pictures were done. He wrapped her in His embrace as 2 people tried to figure out that she was indeed their daughter. He loved her. He loved her for me and I try to rest in the peace of knowing that He has the pictures of those days I missed.

Instead of looking back, I am trying to look forward. To all the memories I get now. All the moments that I will forever treasure. I was not there for so many things. But I was there to see her say goodbye to the only home she had known. I watched a little girl who was scared of strangers, learn to trust us. I saw a face that had never smiled in a photo, glow with giggles. I saw her experience her first plane ride, her first stay in a hotel. I saw her dip her toes in a pool for the first time and watched her figure out that ketchup is amazing! I saw her watch in wonder as fish swam in ponds at a hotel, and birds would sing in cages. I saw her learn that she could crawl up in my lap when she was nervous & feel safe, and that her daddy could toss her higher than she had ever gone before! I have seen a little girl who had her whole little world turned upside down, survive it and still smile. I have watched her become a daughter, a little sister AND a big sister! A granddaughter, a great granddaughter, a niece and a cousin. I have watched in awe as she has gone from a picture in my heart, to an answered prayer in my arms.

So as my Mavery turns 3, I hold onto what I now have. Gods gift to our family, in our arms exactly when He said she would be.