One Year Ago...

Do you ever forget the moment you lay eyes on your child for the first time? Even if it is simply on a computer screen? I hope not.

I remember when I found out I was pregnant. 4 times I found out and I remember so clearly, snapshots that will forever remain on my heart. I remember the ultrasounds where I held my breath till I saw tiny hearts beating. I remember finding out if we would have a boy or a girl and being in awe that my body was growing that little being inside of ME. I remember giving birth and seeing those sweet faces for the first time, a true miracle that we had created. I never thought anything could match that amazing feeling.

And then God led us down a different road. The road of adoption. Some wonder if they could love a child that did not grow in their body. That was not something I ever worried about. Though I did think it would be different. Not less love, just different.

Till I saw the picture of Sage. And it was so much the same. I, of course, was in love with just the idea of her. but then I saw her picture. I had waited for over a year to see that picture and they handed it to me and it was exactly the same as when I saw that ultrasound of Makenna, Sawyer and Malaine. My child. Not created inside of me or by me, but mine. That referral moment was truly magical. Unlike anything I had experienced and I wanted to relive that again.

Yet we knew if we were called back to China, it would be for special needs. So that meant I would not be "surprised" with a picture. I would not walk into my adoption agency with everyone cheering and wait in anticipation as I found out if we were getting a chinese boy or girl. And I had no idea how in the world I was going to find MY child out of the hundreds of waiting children that were on various lists. And how could it be magical if it was not a surprise or if I had to figure it out if I was really seeing my own child.

And then it happened. I saw my 5th child. And it was just as magical, just as special, just as amazing as all the times before.

You can read the entire story by clicking on the link above labeled Maverys story. But of course, I can't just leave it at that, letting you read old thoughts, as I celebrate this magical moment.

365 days ago, it was just a normal day. Yet I do remember I was feeling this "push" over that last month to move forward with adoption, again. I had felt it for awhile. But not so strong as it was that month. Which was just crazy because we had just started homeschooling, we had just been on a big family vacation, we were crazy busy and Mark was clearly saying NOT YET, maybe not ever.

It was MOPS that day, and I had given a prayer request to my DGL, are we supposed to have more children? The kids found a ladybug in our car, they said maybe we had a baby out there. I came home to an invitation to view a new list of children. I rushed Sage down for her nap.

I prayed, and begged to look at this list of children not with my eyes, but with Jesus eyes.

I pulled up the list.

I started looking through each of them slowly, not wanting to rush, thinking a few were sweet and wrote down their names.

Then I saw her.

A beautiful little angel who took my breath away, brought tears to my eyes and literally had me shaking.

Just by looking in her eyes.

I had not yet read her information, I had no idea at first what was wrong. I just looked into those sad eyes, thought about kissing on those sweet lips and wondered.

Could she be mine?

Is this who I have searched for?

Is this what it feels like to "find" your child?

I read through the information they had given for her. Heart baby. 2 years old. Her birthday, November 1st did not even register with me at that point, I just knew she was close in age to Sage.

I quickly emailed my friend Kathy, who knew I was going to look at the list and asked her what her daughters heart condition was. She emailed back and asked to see her picture. I still have the email I sent to her that I labeled, is this my daughter?

Of course the day did not end with Mark looking at her picture and dancing through the house saying, WE FOUND OUR DAUGHTER! Quite the opposite. Little did I know that what was pure joy at that moment for me, was going to turn into a very hard month for us. A month I don't care to relive, and yet it all came to be the way it was supposed to.

Mavery is mine. She is here in my arms.

One year ago I had no idea that our entire world was about to change.

Today, I am looking in those eyes right in front of me and they are no longer sad.

I am kissing those lips and they are as kissable as I imagined last year.

Not only do I see smiles, I hear giggles and listen to her yelling MOMMY! (which is the sweetest sound EVER!)

One year ago I saw her, today I hold her.

Magical Moments, Miracle Mavery.

Feeling Blessed.