Think she has attached?

I worried so much that Mavery would not attach to me. I should not have worried. This is how my days go. Every. single. day. I try to use the bathroom, she tries to sit on my lap! I did not think you would appreciate a picture of that. hehe! She does not get far from me, ever. Unless Makenna can lure her away with promises of lipstick and painted nails. Or if Mark picks her up and carries her into another room with him. But it does not take long and she is back. The good news is, when I am out of the house, she is fine with Mark. When I come in the door, she is SO excited to see me, running over screaming mama. So sweet and I feel loved that is for sure!

3 Years 1 Year Pictures

No longer that sad little girl in the picture. Laughing, smiling and home forever!


Beautiful Mavery

So cute!

I asked her who was in the picture, she said Jin Song. I asked why Jin Song was sad, and she began to study the picture. I just love this picture, 2 little sisters studying what once was, but is no longer the same.
I just think her profile is so sweet.
The wonder of Christmas, everything is magical for her.

3 Roses for 3 years in honor of her birth mother.

December 18th 3 years ago- 1 year ago..

As I think about all this date signifies for Mavery, and for myself, I am in awe once again of our Father and how He has written the pages of her story.

3 years ago, December 18th, 2005. In the city of Jinhua, in the amazing land called China, a baby girl was found, on a train, all alone. She was wrapped in old clothes and a red note was pinned to her outfit with her birthday of November 1, 2005. She was just 6 weeks old.

1 year ago, December 18, 2007, I woke up in prayer. I had dreamed of her in my arms and it felt so real. We were anxiously waiting to find out if JinSong would be our daughter. I wanted to believe, with out doubt. God had spoke, I thought. Yet, I woke up in tears because she had felt so real in my dream & I just did not know what the day would bring.

I knew this. I wanted today to mark the end of her being an orphan. I wanted her family to find her. Her mother held on to her for 6 weeks, and let her go. For 2 years, she lived in an orphange. My prayer was simple. Lord, I want her to be mine, but more than anything, I want her to be found, today, in a family, FOREVER. Let this day be forever marked as special on her little life. If I am not her mother, please let me handle this with grace, and just let me be happy for her.

And it was special. And it is. Obviously, we got the call that day that Mavery was ours. It had been the most emotional 6 weeks for me, and it was finally over. And yet, in many ways, it was only just beginning.

But now, here she is. One year later, no longer just in my dreams. And she feels so much better in my arms than I could have imagined! Last year all I had were a few referral pictures. I memorized those, they were etched on my heart. I knew every inch of her. I wondered what she would be like once she was here.

I could never have prepared myself for how amazing she is! Or that today, on this day now, how attached to me she is. I told Mark today, I am pretty sure if she were able, she would literally climb into my skin so she could be that close to me. If I am sitting, she will climb up UNDER my shirt, just to lay against me. She does not leave my side, ever.

There are times, this can get tiring. There are alot of people in this house who need alot of things. But today, I stopped and I just sat to hold her. As I rocked her and she just sighed this happy sigh, I was reminded of how blessed we are to be a part of her story. How thankful I am that she is here. How grateful I am to her birth mother, for giving her life, and giving her hope.

December 18th, forever special for us. Mavery Raye JinSong, forever ours.

**I will add pictures tomorrow, come back and see!

Now & Then-Two Months Later

Home 2 months!
Home 1 month!

Gotcha Day in China

Maverys Appointment is Scheduled

So if I don't get REAL hair, I will make my own.
What are you looking at, you are the one WITH hair!

Ah yes, long hair feels so lovely!

I spoke with St Louis Childrens Hospital today and we have Maverys heart catheterization scheduled. It will be on Monday January 5th. We are to arrive at 7am and the procedure will begin at 8:30. I was told to prepare to be there for an overnight stay. Ugh. We will spend the day there on the 2nd for pre testing. More xrays, ultrasounds, etc. They said it will take awhile because they do not have good records of her previous surgery.

The good thing, we get a chinese translator. I am not sure how helpful it will be, but we, and the hospital, think it can not hurt to try. It is a service they provide there, so they suggested we use it. To bad they don't offer free parents spa services once they take your children away from you, I most certainly would take advantage of that! Or could they just drug me when they drug Mavery and wake me up with her? That would work to.

I am honestly at a loss for words today. I know, shocking. I just don't like the words overnight stay. It is supposed to be no big deal. No big deal is going in early and being home by lunchtime. Sigh...

Hair-larious!

The hair is coming in slowly but surely. Not fast enough for Mavery that is for sure. She still brings me bows every day and I try to get them in there. It is going to be THICK there is no doubt, thicker than most of the girls in this house. Not the boy though, he has some hair. So tonight after bath we had fun playing with it. She thought it was hilarious, and was running around to all her siblings pointing at it and cracking up! Hopefully I did not start something because I really do not care for this look in my Christmas photos! hehe!

The adorable stocking is from my friend Kathy, isn't it great? She sent it to Mavery along with some other things and I just love it! My print that is for sure and I LOVE anything monogrammed. I am thinking I need to have them made for all the kids, each with a different animal print. I think a monkey print for a certain someone! So fun, thanks Kathy. Mavery thinks it is pretty cool to and when she realizes what happens inside of it this month, I know she will be even more excited than she is with it for a sock!

I prayed for this Child

and the Lordhas granted

what I asked of Him....

So now we give her

back to the Lord

All of her days, we will give her to the Lord..

1 Samuel 1 :27-28

Thank you for all your prayers and sweet notes about Mavery. They have done MY heart good. I feel better about it all, and know that God is holding her in the palm of His hand. He created Mavery AND her heart, He breathed her first heartbeat into her. The fact that we even have her here with us is a miracle. I rest in that, she is here, she is mine and she is going to be fine, this is not a big deal. No word on dates yet, I am actually hoping we can wait till after the holidays now.

My oh so talented brother in law once again worked his magic and did these amazing photos. I asked him to make me some Christmas & Adoption cards, he is very creative. I have lots more to post, will add those to our family blog soon.

Maverys Heart

We did not get the news we had expected today at Maverys first appointment with the heart doctor. She is ok, she will be ok, just not what we expected.

Everything was fine when we got there. She let the nurse listen to her heart and then the doctor was able to listen. He explained to us exactly what Tetralogy of Fallot is, and he told us what could happen with leaky valves etc.. He said he thought it sounded very good and so we were encouraged before we even had the tests done.

We went to a room to have the echocardiogram done (ultrasound of the heart) and Mavery did great. They had her sitting on me which I think helped a ton. Mark fed her snacks, the lady gave her bubbles, and she was fine till almost the end. Which should have been an indicator. The doctor told us 10 minutes. 20 minutes later she said she would quit but he might want more pictures. After the echo they did an EKG. Which did involve a little bit of pinning her down while they stuck stickers all over her little body, but at least it was very quick. The doctor came in and said he wanted us to come back to the room to explain things. Hmmm..

So we went back to our room and he starts talking and Mavery decided she has to potty which means she automatically pulls her pants down in the middle of the room so you are forced to take her even though you know she is just bored and does not need to go. He kept talking and when I came in the room I could tell by Marks face it was not just a "yep, it sounds great" report. Dr Goel started explaining to me that there are 2 things wrong. Which immediately made my heart drop. And he is so sweet and must have realized that those words did not go well with me because he immediately said "she is going to be fine, everything is going to be ok, you do not need to worry about this." He went on to explain what is wrong and bear with me as I try to explain this, because if you can remember, I am NOT into some details and while I tried intently to listen and understand, I was having a hard time getting past the 2 things wrong part still.

If you would like to know what exactly Tetralogy of Fallot is, click here. I thought this site had a good explanation. He said her repair was good, and that sometimes even with a good repair there are things wrong afterwards. But he said that typically this would have been caught right away with follow up. So we assume she did not receive follow up after her surgery. What he told us is that her left pulmonary artery is narrow. Typically this would be widened in surgery for the blood flow. Sometimes the doctors leave it in hopes that it will enlarge on its own. We of course have no idea why they did it or what their thinking was. But it now needs to be enlarged because it is putting pressure on the heart and could keep the lung on that side from developing correctly as she grows. He is 90% sure that the stress is caused from the pulmonary artery being to narrow. The other 10% chance is that there is an obstruction between the pulmonary artery and the right ventricle from the TOF repair. He will not be able to know this unless we do a Heart Catheritization to enlarge the ventricle. If the Heart Cath works, then we know it was just that the artery needed enlarged and we are done. If it does not work, then we will have to talk about heart surgery to remove the obstruction. We did not talk details about a surgery, he was not letting me go down that road yet and he said he feels pretty sure that we will not have to worry about it. We talked about the heart cath a little bit and I think it will be done with in the next month. He will consult with a team of doctors and then we will set a date. He also said they will do some lung test to check her levels before and after but he lost me there. He said the heart cath will be one day, she will be sedated, and it will be done at Childrens Hospital.

As for the bump, he said that is purely cosmetic as we assumed. He said that when they close up the chest, if the bones are not put together well, they will do that. Sometimes it will get worse, sometimes it will get better as they grow. There is nothing to be done till she is done growing(because her bones must be done growing), then she can make a decision if she wants it fixed. If she would need surgery now, they would fix it then.

This was our first time to meet this doctor. We were given his name from our friends who also adopted a daughter with TOF. He really was wonderful, took so much time explaining things. Told me NOT to go home and get on the Internet, if I was worried or confused to just call him and he would talk to me and explain things. We were both impressed with him. He was calming, which we needed. He told us how beautiful and smart Mavery was, which was very sweet. He said "I can see she is very smart, very good brain. That is good, I can't fix her brain, but I will fix her heart!". He told us she is healthy and to treat her like any child, no restrictions, nothing to worry about. He said we would not see any symptoms for these problems she has, till she is about 10, then we would see her winded and tired because of the affect on her lungs.

So, all that technical stuff aside... To say we were shocked is an understatement. You know we expected to walk in there and hear she is fine and be on our way. Neither of us ever expected any different. Which is silly I suppose. And I think that is the thing with heart babies. From the outside, you would never know anything is wrong with them. So my emotions have been all over the place today. The thought of putting her under scares me to death. The fear of something going wrong during the procedure. The what if's, whys.... But I am trying not to dwell on any of those. I am trying to rest in the verse in Psalms, 147:3 HE HEALS the broken hearted. I know that Mavery is going to be fine. I really trust that God is going to take care of her. We know that this procedure is very common and even if it came to heart surgery, she will be ok. It is just the mommy part of me that knows she has already been through enough in her 3 little years. I want to protect her, I want to keep her tears away. I do not want her to have to go through any of this. And yet then I think, at least this way I can hold her and comfort her. Who would have done that in China? As he talked about her heart today and I pictured that first surgery, my heart broke all over again. Who cared for her after that? Did a nanny that she knew stay with her, or was she sent alone to the hospital. It is to hard for me to visit those thoughts. So in many ways I am thankful that this problem was found now I suppose. Still hard though.

We ask for your prayers as we prepare for the heart cath. Our prayer of course is that this will fix it and we will not have to think of surgery at all. I will let you know when it is scheduled. Thank you for thinking of us.

Maverys Heart Appointment

On Tuesday at 11:00 Mavery will visit the heart doctor for the first time. I expect that we will get a good report, but I do appreciate your prayers. I am concerned for her going through the tests as I know it will be hard since I am not able to explain things to her that they will be doing. I have been warned that they will expect her to lay still or she might need to be sedated which worries me. Thanks for thinking of us and I will update after it is over. Working on the birthday party post and Thanksgiving pictures on our family blog!

**Adorable shirt made by my sweet friend Robin at Red Thread Stitches. Isn't that fun? I just love it. Click here to see her stuff! And Renee, do you recognize the bow in her hair? Yes, it is Lilys that you left here, had to throw it in after she lost the first bow that day! I promise to get it back to you! ;0)

Thankful for Mavery

Sage was standing in the spot Mavery wanted to stand in. She knows how to throw a good temper tantrum that is for sure. Little does she know, I have made it through 4 other kids tantrums and I can ignore them for long periods of time with out batting an eye. She HATES it if I ignore her! ;0)

She enjoyed ice cream at Sage's birthday dinner! Thank goodness for bleach!

I walked into my bathroom one day to find her and Sage "playing" makeup. Look closely.
See her "pretty" makeup. Mavery and Sage are having LOTS of fun together now!

We started pulling out the Christmas Decorations and we showed her Santa and said HoHoHo and she ran up to him laughing saying HoHo over and over so I have a feeling she "knew" of Santa. Think we will get her on his lap?

Life is good here. Mavery is changing every day and my heart just smiles with how quickly she has blossomed since coming home. Sometimes I feel like she has just been here forever and when I tell someone she has just been home a month, I pause to do the math to make sure that is correct!

We had a Thanksgiving dinner at our church recently and Mavery LOVED her first taste of turkey with mashed potatoes and gravy! We know she will enjoy turkey day.

We went for haircuts last night. ALL of us, fun times. As soon as we got in and a lady was sitting in the chair getting a cut Mavery grabbed her own hair and started screaming & crying NO!!! It was funny and sad all at the same time. I KNOW she wants hair so badly and I hate that they shaved her head because it obviously was not a good time for her. It is growing & it is thick so I know it is going to be beautiful once it is grown out. By the end of the evening when we had ALL had our hair cut, she was calmer, so hopefully when we do have to trim hers, she will be more comfortable.

The sweetest thing EVER is that now she goes to bed so easy even for me. When I lay her down she lays on her back and sticks her hands behind her bed ( I have to get a picture) and puckers up her lips for a kiss. Then as I walk out she blows kisses and screams over and over, LUV U!

Tonight we had a Thanksgiving Eve dinner (more on my family blog) and we all went around the table to pray and say thanks and when it came to her she yells out THANK YOU and then Mark walks her through the prayer and I thought I was going to lose it. To hear her little voice, repeating her father, as they prayed to our Father, oh my heart...

I am thankful this year that Mavery is home, in our arms, at our table, forever. Last Thanksgiving was hard. VERY hard. I had seen her, I felt she was mine, but she was not. Mark and I were not in a happy place trying to figure things out. I was consumed with thoughts of her and so many unanswered questions. But now here she is, our family feels so complete right now and I am so excited to see the holidays through her eyes!

Facebook

Because I hear it is THE thing to do, I joined Facebook. I have been told that it is much easier than blogger. Whatever. You can't sit and write a book on there or anything like that. But since I felt I lost all coolness as of late, I needed something to up my status. Totally kidding. I could care less if I am cool, I think that is pretty obvious! ;0) I actually just joined because I had to find out what the fuss is about. And I am nosey. And I am stuck inside the house to much with all these kids. So hey, if you are on Facebook, come be my friend. I saw my brother in law has over 700 friends and I have about 30. That seems kind of depressing. ;0) Just in case you didn't know, Shannon Laxton. And just so you know, it is NOT easier than blogger and I can't hardly figure out what you are supposed to do there, but I am sure someone will teach me!

A Month of Mavery

My Mavery, My Miracle Mavery


One Month ago, a dream that had grown in our hearts for a year, was in our arms. We have now celebrated a full month of YOU, Mavery. Time drags when you are waiting, but flies when you are having fun! It seems forever ago we were there, in China. It seems you have been with ME forever. And in alot of ways you have. My arms have only held you for one month, but my heart has held you much longer.

As you run into my arms today, you are not the same little girl who ran from me in China one month ago. There we saw heartbreak, here we see joy. There we saw fear, here we see confidence. There we saw no affection returned, here we FEEL hugs and kisses! I like being HERE!

One month ago we walked into a room with aching arms and anxious hearts, ready to hold you and to see the promise God had given to us almost a year earlier. You were so scared of us, and I think probably really MAD at us to be honest. My heart still hurts as I think of how hard that was on you. But my heart rejoices as I see you today, so full of joy and life and happy to be mine.

You are amazing, I hope you always realize that. I know that they probably tried to prepare you before you met me, but how could they have made you understand what was about to happen? Your whole little world was about to change, everything you knew and were comfortable with was being taken away. Yet here you are, just one month later, and you smile!

One month ago you were not so sure of your Baba. Now you walk downstairs to his office just to tell Daddy HI! You are as in love with him as much as he is in love with you. I knew it would not take long, once you realized how much fun he is! If he walks out the door with out you, you cry as if your heart is broken. When he comes upstairs from his office, you run at him screaming and laughing ready for a big hug!

You have found that the dog is not quite so bad after all. Good thing we did not get rid of her, or my mommy guilt would have been terrible for the other kids! Now you think it is hilarious to run to her and give her a hug or let her give you kisses! You yell "HERSEY" in your sweet little voice and love letting her in and out the backdoor. You had never before probably seen a dog before a month ago, you were terrified of her the first few days here, and look at you now!

Tonight as I put Sage in bed you came running in her room and yelled NIGHT NIGHT SAGEY! while reaching up to give her a hug and a kiss. Oh how that melted my heart! Everyone asks how the 2 of you are doing. And I reply that you have your moments, which you do. But overall, you have both done amazing. You adore Sage, and when she is not here you ask for her. My prayer has been that God would weave your little hearts together, and that is being done I know. I know that it is because of Sage, you are doing so many new things so quickly such as...

Take a bath. You HATED baths in China. Come home and watch someone your size jump in, you follow right behind! You now will put your face into the water and I know it won't be long and you will swimming like Sage!

Sit in a carseat happily. You just sit back there and smile away! Sage is next to you and as long as she is, you are fine.

Running! You have gone from being "clumsy" on your feet, to running circles as Sage chases you!

CLIMBING! While I hoped this would not happen, you can now get up on the barstools after Sage. Thankfully so far you seem to understand the counter is not for running on, unlike your spicy sister.

If Sage eats it, you will try it. Might not like it, but will try it. You do still want to snack ALL the time.

You are speaking so many new words and understanding even more than you speak. Sometimes I say something and you do it and I just stop and can't believe you knew what I said! You also parrot anything anyone says. I laughed so hard the day Sage asked for a sprite and all of a sudden your little voice yells out "I want a sprite!"

You say all of the kids names and are starting to bond well with each of them. Makenna has been so great with you recently. You LOVE to be outside and so she has been bundling you up and playing with you forever out there.

You sleep so well now most of the time. You still whine a little, but when we say night night, you head to your bed with that little pout and for the most part, go right to sleep. You do get up to early though, we must have forgot to tell you we sleep in around here! And sometimes you wake in the night and cry out, and I wonder what it is you are thinking of at those times.

You are my little shadow for the most part. Sometimes daddy comes upstairs and tells you to go play when he sees you hanging on me. As soon as he goes downstairs you come right back to me. You will walk away for a few minutes, but you always keep me in your sight wherever we are. This is good I know.

Your hair is slowly coming in, you want pigtails so badly and I want that for you to! It won't be long and you will be sick of me putting it up and brushing it all the time! In fact, Sage told me she wants YOUR haircut! ;0) You are no longer covered in bug bites. Now your skin is so soft and clear. Oh those cheeks and your lips. They just BEG to be kissed.

My favorite thing is the fact that now when you get hurt, you let me snuggle you, you no longer push me away.

You are so much more than I ever dreamed you were going to be. I can't believe that out of all the mommies in the world God chose ME for YOU! This past month our family has been complete because of you. You are a gift and I can't wait to see what God has in store for us!

I love you,

Mommy

Now & Then - One Month Later

Mavery Singing!

**Scroll to the bottom of the blog and pause my music so you can hear the sweetest voice!

The kids have this kids choir CD in the car that the kids insist we listen to over and over and over. And over! ;0) We were riding along the other day and it was not on, but all of a sudden Mavery starts singing one of the songs! We all just started laughing and clapping because it was SO clear! If you can't understand she is singing "I know, I know what I stand for, I know, I know what I believe". Hope it makes you smile!

One Year Ago...

Do you ever forget the moment you lay eyes on your child for the first time? Even if it is simply on a computer screen? I hope not.

I remember when I found out I was pregnant. 4 times I found out and I remember so clearly, snapshots that will forever remain on my heart. I remember the ultrasounds where I held my breath till I saw tiny hearts beating. I remember finding out if we would have a boy or a girl and being in awe that my body was growing that little being inside of ME. I remember giving birth and seeing those sweet faces for the first time, a true miracle that we had created. I never thought anything could match that amazing feeling.

And then God led us down a different road. The road of adoption. Some wonder if they could love a child that did not grow in their body. That was not something I ever worried about. Though I did think it would be different. Not less love, just different.

Till I saw the picture of Sage. And it was so much the same. I, of course, was in love with just the idea of her. but then I saw her picture. I had waited for over a year to see that picture and they handed it to me and it was exactly the same as when I saw that ultrasound of Makenna, Sawyer and Malaine. My child. Not created inside of me or by me, but mine. That referral moment was truly magical. Unlike anything I had experienced and I wanted to relive that again.

Yet we knew if we were called back to China, it would be for special needs. So that meant I would not be "surprised" with a picture. I would not walk into my adoption agency with everyone cheering and wait in anticipation as I found out if we were getting a chinese boy or girl. And I had no idea how in the world I was going to find MY child out of the hundreds of waiting children that were on various lists. And how could it be magical if it was not a surprise or if I had to figure it out if I was really seeing my own child.

And then it happened. I saw my 5th child. And it was just as magical, just as special, just as amazing as all the times before.

You can read the entire story by clicking on the link above labeled Maverys story. But of course, I can't just leave it at that, letting you read old thoughts, as I celebrate this magical moment.

365 days ago, it was just a normal day. Yet I do remember I was feeling this "push" over that last month to move forward with adoption, again. I had felt it for awhile. But not so strong as it was that month. Which was just crazy because we had just started homeschooling, we had just been on a big family vacation, we were crazy busy and Mark was clearly saying NOT YET, maybe not ever.

It was MOPS that day, and I had given a prayer request to my DGL, are we supposed to have more children? The kids found a ladybug in our car, they said maybe we had a baby out there. I came home to an invitation to view a new list of children. I rushed Sage down for her nap.

I prayed, and begged to look at this list of children not with my eyes, but with Jesus eyes.

I pulled up the list.

I started looking through each of them slowly, not wanting to rush, thinking a few were sweet and wrote down their names.

Then I saw her.

A beautiful little angel who took my breath away, brought tears to my eyes and literally had me shaking.

Just by looking in her eyes.

I had not yet read her information, I had no idea at first what was wrong. I just looked into those sad eyes, thought about kissing on those sweet lips and wondered.

Could she be mine?

Is this who I have searched for?

Is this what it feels like to "find" your child?

I read through the information they had given for her. Heart baby. 2 years old. Her birthday, November 1st did not even register with me at that point, I just knew she was close in age to Sage.

I quickly emailed my friend Kathy, who knew I was going to look at the list and asked her what her daughters heart condition was. She emailed back and asked to see her picture. I still have the email I sent to her that I labeled, is this my daughter?

Of course the day did not end with Mark looking at her picture and dancing through the house saying, WE FOUND OUR DAUGHTER! Quite the opposite. Little did I know that what was pure joy at that moment for me, was going to turn into a very hard month for us. A month I don't care to relive, and yet it all came to be the way it was supposed to.

Mavery is mine. She is here in my arms.

One year ago I had no idea that our entire world was about to change.

Today, I am looking in those eyes right in front of me and they are no longer sad.

I am kissing those lips and they are as kissable as I imagined last year.

Not only do I see smiles, I hear giggles and listen to her yelling MOMMY! (which is the sweetest sound EVER!)

One year ago I saw her, today I hold her.

Magical Moments, Miracle Mavery.

Feeling Blessed.

Three Years...

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